Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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