i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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