the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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