haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize