We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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