you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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