Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize