Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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