So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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