what if every blade of grass was a penis?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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