I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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