It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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