You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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