didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My first STD was from a foam party
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize