so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
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shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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