Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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