You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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