Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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