Nicole vs. Life
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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