I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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