he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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