Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize