I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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