He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize