Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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