so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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