if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize