I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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