i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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