I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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