wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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