I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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