he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
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Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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