when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize