theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Farmville is her only friend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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