I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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