If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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