I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
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Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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