hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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