happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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