Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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