DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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