i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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