im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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