after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize