You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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