Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize