Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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