Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My vagina is very pro this idea
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize