She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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